Little Red Riding Charmander
by valeforXD
Summary: Little Red Riding Charmander goes to her Grandma Charizard's house, gets attacked by the Big Bad Mightyena and gets saved by Captain Falcon? Based on Aaron's retelling of the fairy tale in Chapter 9 of Divine Intervention. badfic? I can't really tell DX


valefor035: Hello, peeps! I know I should be updating _The Mishaps and Marvels of Aaron The Pikachu, _but I thought I'd do this instead. Remember when Aaron was telling the story of Little Red Riding Charmander in Chapter 9? Well, this is the whole fairy tale right here! Enjoy!

_________________________________________Little Red Riding Charmander, by valefor035

Once upon a time, there was a little girl Pokemon everyone knew as Little Red Riding Charmander. Everyone knew her as that because she was really small, and she wore a red hood over her head. Oh, and she was a Charmander, just so you know. Anyway, one day her mother, which was for some odd reason a Quilava (Was she adopted?), asked Little Red Riding Charmander to take a basket full of Protein to her sick Grandma Charizard's cottage, and Little Red Riding Charmander happily said yes.

"There's just one thing," her foster mother said. "You should always stick to the yellow path when you go to your Grandma's house. Understood?"

"Yeah, whatever, mother."

"Don't talk to me like that, young lady! I'll give you such a spanking!"

"What happens if I want a spanking?" Little Red Riding Charmander giggled before running out of the house with the basket of Protein. She skipped along the path gleefully until she entered the forest, where she saw some lovely poison ivy she might give to her Grandma Charizard. As she bent over to pick it, she heard a rustling in the bushes.

"Ha ha, valefor035, what a subtle innuendo," Little Red Riding Charmander said to no important person in particular, as the Big Bad Mightyena jumped out in front of her, licking his lips. "I am gonna eat y'all up, fool!"

Little Red Riding Charmander began to build up flames in her mouth. "How about I just FlameThrower your ass?"

The Big Bad Mightyena ran off, yelping as its tail spurted immense amounts of smoke. Little Red Riding Charmander giggled again, and skipped off to Grandma Charizard's cottage.

When she finally reached Grandma Charizard's cottage, she knocked on the door and said, "Grandma Charizard, you twit, open the freakin' door!"

"Yo fool, it's already open, dawg!" She yelled back.

Little Red Riding Charmander wondered as she opened the door. "That's weird. Grandma Charizard doesn't talk like that..." She looked at Grandma Charizard lying in her bed and said, "My my, Grandma Charizard! What black fur you have!"

"What, you bein' racist, young 'un?"

"Err, no, not at all..." Little Red Riding Charmander walked towards her Grandma. She noticed a little black tail poking out from under the sheets. "My my, Grandma Charizard, what a small, furry tail you have!"

"Well, it's better than yo fool of a Grandfather Baziken's tail!"

"He doesn't have a tail. And he's dead."

"Y'mean he got smoked?"

"Remember? He died in an unfortunate smelting accident."

"I thought that was Goldmember, y'all!"

Little Red Riding Charmander stood beside her Grandma Charizard's bed, noticing her gaping mouth. "My my, Grandma Charizard, what small and unthreatening teeth you have!"

This caused Grandma Charizard to perk up all of a sudden. "Whaddaya mean small?"

"Well, they're just small. I mean, for a Charizard to have small teeth is like a Bulbasaur without a bulb on its back!"

"Well, they still all da better to eat y'all up with, fo shizzle my nizzle!" Grandma Charizard dived out of bed and out of her clothes, only for Little Red Riding Charmander to discover that it was the Big Bad Mightyena all along! "Oh, no." She said. "It's the Big Bad Mightyena. Come to get your ass scorched again?"

"No way, fool, I'm a eat y'all up! And with that, he ate the poor Charmander up!

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Captain Falcon walked in. "Hey, man! You can't eat little Pokemon like that!"

"And you ain't s'posed to show up in a Pokemon fanfic, homie! You from F-Zero!"

Captain Falcon smiled. "I'm Captain Falcon, and I go where I please! Now, get ready to die!" he launched his fist at the Big Bad Mightyena, his fist surrounded by a flame that formed the shape of a falcon. "FALCON PUUUUUNNNCH!"

The Big Bad Mightyena flew across the room as its guts exploded, releasing Little Red Riding Charmander from his bowels. "Oh thank you, Captain Falcon!"

Captain Falcon ran to the closet, FALCON PUUUUUUNNNNCHed it open to reveal a tied up and gagged Grandma Charizard. He released her, and took in a deep breath through her mouth. "Oh, thank you, Captain Falcon! My, what large biceps you have!"

The Big Bad Mightyena stood up, holding his guts against what was left of his torso. "Hey, homie, you ain't s'posed to be here! Get yo ass back to Port Town!"

Grandma Charizard had fallen in love, and had to protest. "This stud ain't going nowhere!"

"Yah-huh!"

"Nah-uh!"

"Yah-huh!"

"Nah-uh!"

And then Little Red Riding Charmander said a rather rude word, and Grandma Charizard gave her a slap on the tushie! And she screamed "Son of a BISCUIT! Do it again, Grandma!"

And so Little Red Riding Charmander, Grandma Charizard and Captain Falcon cooked up The Big Bad Mightyena, realising he tasted like a baked Yoshi, and all laughed.

Since then, Little Red Riding Charmander has become a cosplayer, favouring to dress up like his hero Yugi Mutou than anything else. Grandma Charizard and Captain Falcon got married and produced their offspring, Falco, who went on to join Star Fox. However, Captain Falcon forgot he was still married to Princess Zelda, and both women divorced from him. Fed up with everything, Captain Falcon hung himself on Christmas Day. As Little Red Riding Charmander said, "It was the best Christmas ever!"

Aaron closed the book of Obscene Fairy Tales. "And that, Pikachu, is how I learned karate."

Pikachu gave Aaron an odd stare, shaking his head.

"Don't give me that look! It's true, I swear!"

But Pikachu didn't believe it for a second.

"Well, it's great that I have Pokemon that trust me. Does anyone else believe me, or not?"

All his other Pokemon - Gliscor, Porygon-Z, Milotic, Dragonair and Buizel – sat around him listening to his story, and they all were shaking their heads in disbelief as well.

"Bui bui!" (I do!)

"Anyone apart form Buizel?"

Silence.

"Bui bui!" (I do!)

valefor035: See? It's the best story ever told! Apart from my other fanfic, of course. Heh heh... I promise I'll get back to the main story, for realsies. I just had to do this.

And remember, kids, anything on a stick is usually good!

-valefor035


End file.
